“I’m scared,” said my two year old. “Scared of what darling?” I asked.

“The Vacuum!”

Although he is quite a daredevil who likes to challenge himself physically, I noticed that my son has started to develop fears.  Besides the vacuum, he fears that he will go down the drain with the bathwater, and he is starting to get fearful of the dark.

It may seem silly at first, but I realized at this age, his fears are still primal – something in him is triggered and he literally fears for his life.  Having fear is a natural survival mechanism and serves an important role in our self-protection.  Fear is the emotion that comes up when your mind feels your physical safety is threatened.

At two, my son doesn’t know that a vacuum or a bath drain can’t possibly suck him up!  So I started thinking of my fears, and the fears of my clients and although it comes in many shapes and sizes, most of our fears are not really life-threatening.

The fear within us

Most of the time we fear things like:

• public speaking
• asserting ourselves
• making decisions
• being vulnerable
• changing jobs
• being alone
• making mistakes
• being rejected
• failure (there are those that also fear success!)

As real as it may seem, these types of fear exist mostly in our mind.  We are not actually physically threatened, we are emotionally threatened.  These fears come about when we are expecting a negative outcome, not necessarily that we have had a negative outcome.  That’s why the fear feels the same whether the danger is real or imagined.  Fear really feeds on itself – the more you think of something you are afraid of, the greater your fear becomes.

Why confront your fears

Although fear is about self-protection, if you don’t rise above your fears, they will be a huge factor in limiting your success, undermining your confidence and diminishing your quality of life.  Confronting your fears also helps with:

• Procrastination and Indecision – these are rooted in fear.  They consume huge amounts of energy, lead to self-criticism and low self-esteem.  Moving forward with the things you’ve been putting off gives you a renewed energy and results that give you confidence.

• Achieving your goals faster – the more risks you take, the further and faster you’ll get ahead.  Learning to take calculated risks will be key to accelerating your journey to success.

• Trying something new – when you’re afraid of being out of your comfort zone, you never really grow.  Trying something new can be challenging, but it also expands your knowledge, skills and outlook so that you can look forward to bigger and better things.

Even if you end up less successful than you would like, pursuing your dreams enables you to live life with no regrets!  As Walt Disney says, “All our dreams can come true if we have the courage to pursue them.”

A note about courage…many people believe that courage is the absence of fear.  On the contrary, courage is about taking action in the face of fear.  Think of the most powerful and respected men and women in history. At one point or another, they have all demonstrated great courage – it’s human to feel fear, we all do.  Yet these people have chosen to take action anyway and with their courage they grew stronger, inspired others and changed the world.

How to resolve your fears

1. Know Your Fears

Before you can deal with your fears, you need to recognize it.  Many people avoid putting themselves in fearful situations – without knowing it – and then wonder why their lives feel stuck or stagnant.

Ask yourself:

• What are your fears? (In your Career? Relationships? Money?)
• Where are you afraid of failing?

2. Examine Your Fears

Most of our fears are irrational.  Examine them closely and separate realistic fears from those that are unfounded.  Getting specific about the answers will reduce your fear.

Ask yourself:

• “What if…?”  What’s the worse case scenario of your fear?
• Would it be so bad?  Can you handle it?

3. Confront Your Fears

Fear will always be a part of our lives, so don’t stop what you are doing as soon as you encounter fear.  Instead, why not think of it as a companion on your exciting adventures?  Fear is a part of growth, it’s not something to avoid, so why not acknowledge its presence and move forward in spite of it.

Ask yourself:

• What’s my motivation? (is there a compelling reason you want to bust through your fear?)
• What’s it costing me to be so fearful?
• What are the benefits of moving through this fear?

4. Take Action

Make a decision as to what action will serve you best and just do it!  The sooner you get going, the sooner your fear will recede.  In reality, our fears are never as bad as we think they are.

Ask yourself:

• What’s a small step you can take that will reduce your risk and fear?
• Is there a commitment you can make, so that you have to follow through? This gets your mind concentrating on making things work rather than worrying about what will happen if things don’t go as planned.
• Can someone help you with advice or support to move through what you are fearing?

5. Make Mistakes and Move On

I wish I could say to you that you’ll get things right the first time. Chances are you will make a mistake or even fail!  Sometimes, good things can come from perceived failures. The Post-it note, which every office has in its supply cabinet, was supposed to be a new glue compound until they discovered it didn’t stick permanently. Instead, it could re-stick a number of times without any residue.  The rest, as they say, is history.

Ask yourself:

• Are you holding back from fear of making mistakes?
• Is there a way to learn from mistakes in the past?

Confronting your fears will be an ongoing exercise your whole life. Remember that your goal is not to eliminate it – it’s normal and natural to have them. Your goal is to be able to admit, assess and acknowledge your fears so that you can move forward in a way that serves your goals and life.

As Eleanor Roosevelt says, “do one thing you fear every day.”  You might actually look forward to challenging your fears.

*Elena’s Note: This article first appeared in my Working Mom magazine column

No related posts.

Related posts brought to you by Yet Another Related Posts Plugin.

Travel has always been a big part of my life. It honors my values of adventure, challenge, connection with different cultures and fun. It began in my 20’s with a backpacking adventure, and even now with a family, we rent out our place and go somewhere for several months at a time.

In a matter of weeks, I can find a tenant, enroll clients and associates into my new schedule and have our support network of friends and family look after things such as pets, plants and paintings. We leave with nothing planned except the first few days’ accommodations, and technology has allowed my work to continue from Europe, Asia and even the most remote places in Africa.

I let everyone know what I am doing, what I want and need and somehow

things just seem to fall into place.

We all have days when everything seems to go right. Having a parking spot open up exactly where we need it, finding the exact house we want, money becomes available for a trip we want to take or a project we want to start. Sometimes people we’ve been trying to reach suddenly call or appear and we can wrap up our business with them quickly and efficiently. Everything is in sync.

These days, over and over again, as soon as I’ve become clear on what it is that I want, the circumstances I need to get it become available to me almost effortlessly. I find that synchronicity operates in many areas of my life – I just have to slow down and pay attention to the messages and possibilities. And then I ask for what I want, with no shame and no guilt.

This is not to say that everything is a piece of cake. But if you like the idea of synchronicity, then make a formal declaration to yourself about what you want. Identify your goal and ask yourself these questions:

• What is one step I can take to get there?
• Who can help me with that first step?
• Who do I need to be to achieve what I want?

The next step is to simply let others know about it. It might take a day, a month or a year to get it, but put your intention out there and the results might just amaze you.

When you know what you want, and want it badly enough, you’ll find a way to get it. – Jim Rohn

What steps are you taking to achieve what you want in your life?

No related posts.

Related posts brought to you by Yet Another Related Posts Plugin.

As an entrepreneur, I have been struggling with the “Shiny Object Syndrome” for years.

Whenever an exciting opportunity surfaces, I feel “oooh, this is it. I want it. I’m going to go and get it.” Each “shiny object” takes a lot of my time, energy and effort to pursue, and ultimately causes a lot of trouble and chaos in my life overall.

My symptoms include:               

• Coming up with the idea of a new product, program or offering at least once a week
• Looking at other businesses and coming up with taglines, logos, marketing ideas in my head – just for fun
• Constantly researching and booking domain names “just in case” – but most of them end up expiring
• Calling my friends, coaches, business associates and pitching them my latest half-baked idea
• Exhaustion from all that excitement

I’m guessing most of us have caught the Shiny Object Syndrome at one point or another.

I know for me, whenever I’m bored or have something I really need to do, I procrastinate and that’s usually when my SOS comes roaring back. As an entrepreneur-at-heart, my mind is trained to look for new opportunities…and of course I often find them.

I’ve had to gain clarity about my values in order to get some relief. In its simplest expression, a fulfilling life is one in which important values are honored each and every day. Values serve as guideposts on a journey to discover what you want and challenging decisions become clearer when you can answer questions such as:

Will this decision honor my values?

What values will my “future self” support in this situation?

By aligning choices with my values, I can still pick up each shiny object that comes my way, look at it from different perspectives, and, either try it on or put it back down. I no longer keep each shiny object that comes down my path. I pick it up to see what I can learn from it ­ and sometimes what I learn is that I don’t need it at all. Maybe it was meant for someone else down the path and I can pass it along.

If you’re in a similar position, how do you deal with the shiny objects that keep coming into your life?

No related posts.

Related posts brought to you by Yet Another Related Posts Plugin.

Have you ever found yourself in a situation that you knew was not right for you? Perhaps you took on a new client. Although everything on paper pointed to a great opportunity, there was something about it that didn’t feel good and eventually you parted ways with them.

Or maybe you’ve had the experience of wanting to get in touch with a friend or family member – without being quite sure why – and then later found out the timing was important for some reason. Some people have great hunches about investments. Others instinctively know which way to turn at the fork on the road.

How did they know? How did you know?                              

We are all born with a powerfully intuitive nature, but it often gets buried or lost along the way. It starts in childhood, when we’re told, “What do you know? You’re just a little kid.” And so you began not to trust your own feelings. It continues into adulthood with our fast-paced lifestyles, where many of us have simply forgotten how to listen to our inner wisdom.

At times in our lives when making choices may feel cloudy or overwhelming, a real opportunity lies in learning to open ourselves to what is already present and available within us: our own natural homing device – our intuition - that we have trained ourselves to push down or reason away.

There’s a famous business story about intuition involving Conrad Hilton of the Hilton Hotels. He wanted to buy a company which was going to go to the highest bidder in a closed auction.

He submitted a sealed bid for $165,000. And he awakened the next morning with the number $180,000 in his head, which wouldn’t go away. So he changed his bid at the very last moment. He secured the property, which eventually brought him $2 million in profit. The next highest bid was $179,800. If he hadn’t raised his bid, he would have lost.

What are you missing, by not listening to yourself?

If you’ve forgotten how, the way to get back in touch with your intuition is to have quiet time. Take time to walk on the beach, be with yourself, meditate or write. You might be surprised at the insights and ideas that come to you in silence.

While there’s no substitute for gathering information about a task or situation before making decisions, you shouldn’t be afraid of not knowing every reason why you feel the way you do.

Sometimes you just know… that you know.

No related posts.

Related posts brought to you by Yet Another Related Posts Plugin.

I was in a panic this morning as I realized I had been putting off registering my son for summer camps.  Luckily there were spots still available.  (Not getting in would have cost this working mom her sanity.)

Later on, I was talking to one of my mastermind buddies when it suddenly hit me.  I’ve been talking and talking the last two weeks about all these programs I’m creating, and want to create…that I actually haven’t done anything at all.

I’ve been procrastinating on getting anything started.

Procrastination is a common human behavior, but it can be also be very costly. 

Aside from the stress of last-minute panic, there are other consequences.  Paying your taxes late means hefty penalties.  Waiting to get your car repaired may mean the warranty runs out and you have to pay instead of getting it done free. In business, not invoicing clients means not getting paid on time, which affects your cash flow.

If you procrastinate, you probably do so because:

1. You want to avoid unpleasant tasks
2. You’re disorganized
3. You have fear of failure (or success)
4. You’re a perfectionist
5. The project or task seems too hard or overwhelming

There’s a host of other reasons.  Sometimes though, procrastination serves a valuable purpose:  your inner voice may be saying, “I really don’t want to do this at all – ever.”

When I sat with myself today, it turned out it was all of the above.  I needed to map out a bigger picture of what I wanted to achieve for the rest of the year.  Once I did that I felt more organized. I was able to see which ‘unpleasant’ tasks I could delegate and by breaking the jobs down into smaller chunks and putting timelines to it all, my perfectionist self lost its fear of failure.

I also saw that some projects I really wanted to do, just don’t fit in my timeline until later this year.  This was causing me a lot of stress figuring out how I was going to do it all.

Then, I started to dig into just one project today and within a few hours I moved forward much more quickly than I thought I could.

By making a commitment to get started with no interruptions, breaks or distractions, and working one step at a time, I got things done with no stress or panic.

I should have done it sooner!

Are you a procrastinator?  How does it help or hinder you?

“The dread of doing a task uses up more time and energy than doing the task itself.” – Rita Emmett, author of The Procrastinator’s Handbook

Related posts:

1. 10 Ways You Can Say No (without the guilt) It's important to learn to say no if you don't...

Related posts brought to you by Yet Another Related Posts Plugin.

We all know what to do when a robber asks us “your money or your life,” right?  But if you look at how you spend your life on a daily basis, what are you really choosing?

Especially in tough times like the recession we’ve had over the last couple of years, money is a hot topic.  This article won’t tell you how to save money, or how to invest your money.  Rather, I want to tackle some of the internal issues we all hold about money.

Over the years, I’ve worked with clients that have had money issues in one way or another.  Some examples include:

1. Turning down money because it felt wrong – a client struggling to pay her bills already had a profitable business, but didn’t feel entitled to pay herself a small salary until the business “really takes off.”
2. Leaving money on the table – another client complained of not having enough money, but then figured out all he had to do was finish his billings and several thousand would come his way. The real issue it seemed, was how he was holding himself back from success.
3. Different values around money with their spouse – the usual cliché is that she’s the spender, he’s the saver but it usually boils down to disagreements on how, when and what to spend money on.

Show Me The Money

With all three examples, money isn’t really the issue.  It’s what money stands for.  Success. Control. Security. Confidence. Self-worth.

What we often forget is that we created money. In fact, we invented it so that we wouldn’t have to deal with a confusing barter system for sharing goods and resources. But somewhere along the way, we got off that purpose line, and money is now used to control, dominate, hold back and marginalize people.

No matter what economic sector you belong to, language you speak or country you live in, you know someone who has collapsed their self-worth with how much money they have. Someone who isn’t speaking to others because of money quarrels. Someone who spends their waking and sleeping hours worrying about money. Or gives money more meaning than human life.

That someone might even be you.

The Soul of Money

A few years ago, I had the privilege of meeting Lynne Twist, a global activist and fundraiser, and hear her speak about reclaiming the wealth of our inner resources and transforming our relationship to money. Her book, The Soul of Money, is really about our own soul and how we often eclipse it, dismiss it or compromise it in our relationship with money.

Lynne identified Three Toxic Myths most of us have around money:

1. The Myth of Scarcity. Beginning early on with the child’s game of “musical chairs”, we are taught over and over again that there’s not enough and we have to fight to get our share of anything. We continue this trend today as adults, with reality shows like Survivor where only the most aggressive and often, sneaky contestants win.
2. The Myth of More is Better. We don’t have a relationship with “enough”. Only “more”. We get bombarded with 30,000 messages a day that we are not tall, thin, young or successful enough. That we need “more” to be complete.
3. The Myth of “that’s just the way it is”. This is the worst myth of all, because it has us be resigned. To live life unconsciously and lead a life unexamined. We have garage sales because we have too much stuff. Then we go to the mall to buy more stuff. We buy toys for our children because we feel guilty for having to work so much. We buy a new car because our friends drive the latest models.

Scarcity vs. Sufficiency

From the time we wake up in the morning, we start our day thinking from a lens of scarcity. “I didn’t get enough sleep!” we say to ourselves. Then we rush around our day because there is not enough time, not enough clients, not enough money, not enough vacations. Then just before we go to sleep, we say to ourselves, “I didn’t get enough done!” It’s a vicious cycle that is easy to perpetuate. And we don’t even realize we do it.

Lynne, who says her best coach was Mother Teresa, believes the antidote to these myths lay in moving from the You or Me paradigm of scarcity, to the You AND Me paradigm of sufficiency. Where we live – and succeed – at no one else’s expense.

What would it be like if you believed in sufficiency?

Where your perception is that there is enough to go around. You HAVE enough, and you ARE enough.

So, stop and think about your beliefs and values around money. What are you really buying? Or buying into? Take stock of what your beliefs and fears are around money and remember that what you spend your money on, reflects your personal values.

Here are a few questions to get you started:

• Besides the basic necessities, what do you spend your money on?
• What’s the next thing you’re saving up to buy?
• What would it mean for you to get it?
• What is your spouse’s attitudes and behaviors around money?
• What were your family’s attitudes and behaviors around money?
• How has this shaped your own relationship or beliefs around money?
• How would you like it to be?
• What’s one step you could take to get there?
• Who can help you?

Communicate Your Goals And Expectations

Between couples, money issues are a fairly common fight and it usually happens because the two people involved aren’t on the same page. In fact, most fights occur not because of how much money was spent, but because of a failure to communicate unspoken expectations that couples have and are often afraid to talk about.

Sometimes it’s clashing styles on money (the spender vs. saver) or mismatched agendas (when you are supposed to buy the house, or what type of car you are buying), but people get so stuck in their own money views that they can’t see that their partner simply has a different viewpoint.

What’s important is to start a discussion together while you are relaxed and not in the middle of a heated argument.  Don’t assume your way is the right way.  Listen to what your partner says and take it in – their outlook may differ from yours in a big way, but they hold their views as dearly as you hold yours. Be respectful, even if you disagree.

Try to establish your common “big picture” goals – the various milestones you need to plan for that will require money (buying a house, retirement, caring for your aging parents) – and discuss them. If you can set small goals together toward your bigger goals, the feeling of success will create a stronger bond between you.  If you need to get help, find a reputable financial planner to help you – having a third party can often ease the tension around money discussions.

Talking about money is hard, especially if you aren’t clear on your own perspectives around money.  But don’t give up – it’s better to know where you stand and make choices from there, rather than bury your head in the sand.

We can tell our values by looking at our checkbook stubs.  ~Gloria Steinem

*This article originally appeared in my coaching column for Working Mom Magazine

Related posts:

1. How to Create Your Vision for 2010 Note: A longer version of this article appears in Working...
2. How to Use Photos to Get PR (and save time and money) Using photos can help get you publicity. Here Elena Verlee...

Related posts brought to you by Yet Another Related Posts Plugin.

It’s been a strength that has served me well in business, as I push relentlessly for both quantity and quality with my clients. However, perfectionism can also be a weakness that can easily throw off work-life balance if left unchecked.

I have wasted so much time agonizing over perfecting a sentence in a proposal or tidying around the house that I have missed out on having fun with family and friends, which if I examine my values, are more important to me than new business or a clean house.             

Lately, my best teacher in letting go are my kids. A favorite phrase is “never mind” and they teach me not to sweat the small stuff. When one spills chocolate ice cream on a crisp white shirt, he just shrugs and says “never mind mommy, it’s no big deal.” And it usually isn’t. At 4pm, they ask me repeatedly to go outside and play. I often go grudgingly and then have so much fun that I wonder why I even resisted. They help me remember that it is always people first, before appearances or material things.

We often think of pressure as being exerted from outside us, but we also bring a lot of it on ourselves. We are often our biggest bully without even realizing it.

Remember what is most important to you and honor those values. Letting go of type-A expectations and standards may be hard at first as you make a choice to be less than perfect. But remember that no one is perfect. We’re all just human after all.

What does it mean to be perfect?

What does it cost you in your life?

Related posts:

1. Dealing With My Shiny Object Syndrome shiny object syndrome from Crestock Stock Photos As an...

Related posts brought to you by Yet Another Related Posts Plugin.

I find it extremely difficult to say “No”. First of all I’m a Libra and like to keep things in harmony (often at the expense of my own well-being). In business, I tend to have the shiny-object syndrome – you know, where everything looks cool and so I get worried that I may miss an opportunity if I say no. This ends up taking a lot of my time and scatters my focus.

Tell me if this sounds familiar – you’re asked to do something you don’t really want to do or have time for, but you would feel guilty if you said No. Whether it’s a church fundraiser, a committee at your child’s school or participating in a project, it’s important to learn to say No if you don’t want to get overwhelmed, stressed or resentful. It’s about self-protection – people who are able to say No have more free time, energy and feel more in control of their lives.

In your business, where partnerships or teamwork is essential, learning to say No doesn’t mean you become uncooperative. Rather, it is recognizing your limits and being selective in what you choose to do. That you don’t want to do a sloppy job by overwhelming yourself. That you value your time and priorities and aren’t willing to take away from the truly important things in your life. A little selfishness is necessary if you want to stay sane and maintain a balanced life!

So how can you say No diplomatically and without guilt? David Posen, in his “Little Book of Stress Relief” says if you do it properly, you don’t actually have to use the word No.

1. Express your wish to help:
“I’d like to do that for you, but I’m not taking on new projects at the moment.”

2. Give an explanation:
“I have a doctor’s appointment” or “I have another commitment.” You don’t have to get personal.

3. Offer an alternative:
“I won’t be able to do it, but I can show you how to do it.”

4. Find someone else who can do the task:
“I think Sally would be better for the job, and I know she loves to do (those kinds of tasks).”

5. Admit your limitations:
“I don’t have experience in that, so I can’t help you” or “I’m not comfortable with that.”

6. Offer to do it later:
“I can’t help you now, but I can do it next week.”

7. Offer to do a part:
“I’d be happy to do this part for you.”

8. Ask for the priority:
“I’m in the middle of several projects, which one would you like me to set aside to do this?”

9. Give yourself time to think about it:
“Can I get back to you? I’ll have to check my schedule” or “I’ve had a few things come up and need to deal with those first”

However, I find the tenth and most simple way to say No is to smile and say:
“No, but thanks for asking” without launching into the why. People aren’t really interested in your busyness – they’re too busy contending with too much busyness of their own.

So take the time to evaluate and come to terms with your limits: What you’re able to do, what you’re willing to do, and what you want to do. After that, give yourself permission to say No without guilt and find more time and joy to do the things you really want to do.

No related posts.

Related posts brought to you by Yet Another Related Posts Plugin.

There is a crowded little island that everyone in the world has been to several times, including you and me – and it’s called “Someday”.

It’s so appealing that many people who go there never return.

“Someday I’ll have the family, house, luxury car and 2 dogs and then I’ll be happy. Someday this current misery will end, the venture capitalists will understand my genius and I’ll figure out what I really want, and then I’ll be happy. Someday I’ll retire financially independent – just wait and see – I’ll be really happy then.”

The problem with living on this island is that you don’t appreciate today, even though we don’t even know if we’ll make it to tomorrow. We focus on the goal as the means of fulfillment: the thing, answer or solution which has the power to give us happiness.

Fulfillment is not something you can get or own. It’s something you can be. It is always available, every day, by living according to what you value most. Achieving goals can be very satisfying but living a life on purpose, on the path toward the goal is fulfilling as well.

For example, if your goal is to live in Mexico when you retire, start taking a Spanish class. Read novels written by Mexican writers. Research their art, history and culture. Learn to cook Mexican food. If you can afford it, go there to explore and find the community where you’ll want to live.

It isn’t necessarily the big pleasures that bring the most happiness, sometimes it’s doing the small stuff.

Have breakfast in bed. Walk on the beach at sunset. Hug your children. Kiss your partner behind the ear. Find a long lost friend. Take that class you’ve always wanted to take. Spend an hour at the bookstore. Plant flowers in your garden. Give someone a compliment and make their day. Look up at the stars on a clear night.

Remember – “life is not measured by the number of breaths we take, but by the number of moments that take our breath away.” (anonymous)

So, get off the island of Someday and go do the small stuff today. What’s on your list?

Related posts:

1. How to Set Unrealistic Goals So called Unrealistic goals are more exciting and may be...

Related posts brought to you by Yet Another Related Posts Plugin.

Last week, Steve Jobs and Apple launched the new and eagerly anticipated iPad. Over the years I have admired Apple for their branding, product launches and product innovation.

This post is a more personal glimpse at a much-respected and innovative thinker. I thought I’d share with you a speech by Steve Jobs where he shares three very powerful stories. It never fails to inspire me.

Steve Jobs’ 2005 Stanford Commencement Address

I am honored to be with you today at your commencement from one of the finest universities in the world. I never graduated from college. Truth be told, this is the closest I’ve ever gotten to a college graduation. Today I want to tell you three stories from my life. That’s it. No big deal. Just three stories.

The first story is about connecting the dots.

I dropped out of Reed College after the first 6 months, but then stayed around as a drop-in for another 18 months or so before I really quit. So why did I drop out?

It started before I was born. My biological mother was a young, unwed college graduate student, and she decided to put me up for adoption. She felt very strongly that I should be adopted by college graduates, so everything was all set for me to be adopted at birth by a lawyer and his wife. Except that when I popped out they decided at the last minute that they really wanted a girl. So my parents, who were on a waiting list, got a call in the middle of the night asking: “We have an unexpected baby boy; do you want him?” They said: “Of course.” My biological mother later found out that my mother had never graduated from college and that my father had never graduated from high school. She refused to sign the final adoption papers. She only relented a few months later when my parents promised that I would someday go to college.

And 17 years later I did go to college. But I naively chose a college that was almost as expensive as Stanford, and all of my working-class parents’ savings were being spent on my college tuition. After six months, I couldn’t see the value in it. I had no idea what I wanted to do with my life and no idea how college was going to help me figure it out. And here I was spending all of the money my parents had saved their entire life. So I decided to drop out and trust that it would all work out OK. It was pretty scary at the time, but looking back it was one of the best decisions I ever made. The minute I dropped out I could stop taking the required classes that didn’t interest me, and begin dropping in on the ones that looked interesting.

It wasn’t all romantic. I didn’t have a dorm room, so I slept on the floor in friends’ rooms, I returned coke bottles for the 5¢ deposits to buy food with, and I would walk the 7 miles across town every Sunday night to get one good meal a week at the Hare Krishna temple. I loved it. And much of what I stumbled into by following my curiosity and intuition turned out to be priceless later on. Let me give you one example:

Reed College at that time offered perhaps the best calligraphy instruction in the country. Throughout the campus every poster, every label on every drawer, was beautifully hand calligraphed. Because I had dropped out and didn’t have to take the normal classes, I decided to take a calligraphy class to learn how to do this. I learned about serif and san serif typefaces, about varying the amount of space between different letter combinations, about what makes great typography great. It was beautiful, historical, artistically subtle in a way that science can’t capture, and I found it fascinating.

None of this had even a hope of any practical application in my life. But ten years later, when we were designing the first Macintosh computer, it all came back to me. And we designed it all into the Mac. It was the first computer with beautiful typography. If I had never dropped in on that single course in college, the Mac would have never had multiple typefaces or proportionally spaced fonts. And since Windows just copied the Mac, its likely that no personal computer would have them. If I had never dropped out, I would have never dropped in on this calligraphy class, and personal computers might not have the wonderful typography that they do. Of course it was impossible to connect the dots looking forward when I was in college. But it was very, very clear looking backwards ten years later.

Again, you can’t connect the dots looking forward; you can only connect them looking backwards. So you have to trust that the dots will somehow connect in your future. You have to trust in something – your gut, destiny, life, karma, whatever. This approach has never let me down, and it has made all the difference in my life.

My second story is about love and loss.

I was lucky ­ I found what I loved to do early in life. Woz and I started Apple in my parents garage when I was 20. We worked hard, and in 10 years Apple had grown from just the two of us in a garage into a $2 billion company with over 4000 employees. We had just released our finest creation – the Macintosh – a year earlier, and I had just turned 30. And then I got fired. How can you get fired from a company you started? Well, as Apple grew we hired someone who I thought was very talented to run the company with me, and for the first year or so things went well. But then our visions of the future began to diverge and eventually we had a falling out. When we did, our Board of Directors sided with him. So at 30 I was out. And very publicly out. What had been the focus of my entire adult life was gone, and it was devastating.

I really didn’t know what to do for a few months. I felt that I had let the previous generation of entrepreneurs down – that I had dropped the baton as it was being passed to me. I met with David Packard and Bob Noyce and tried to apologize for screwing up so badly. I was a very public failure, and I even thought about running away from the valley. But something slowly began to dawn on me ­ I still loved what I did. The turn of events at Apple had not changed that one bit. I had been rejected, but I was still in love. And so I decided to start over.

I didn’t see it then, but it turned out that getting fired from Apple was the best thing that could have ever happened to me. The heaviness of being successful was replaced by the lightness of being a beginner again, less sure about everything. It freed me to enter one of the most creative periods of my life.

During the next five years, I started a company named NeXT, another company named Pixar, and fell in love with an amazing woman who would become my wife. Pixar went on to create the worlds first computer animated feature film, Toy Story, and is now the most successful animation studio in the world. In a remarkable turn of events, Apple bought NeXT, I retuned to Apple, and the technology we developed at NeXT is at the heart of Apple’s current renaissance. And Laurene and I have a wonderful family together.

I’m pretty sure none of this would have happened if I hadn’t been fired from Apple. It was awful tasting medicine, but I guess the patient needed it. Sometimes life hits you in the head with a brick. Don’t lose faith. I’m convinced that the only thing that kept me going was that I loved what I did. You’ve got to find what you love. And that is as true for your work as it is for your lovers. Your work is going to fill a large part of your life, and the only way to be truly satisfied is to do what you believe is great work. And the only way to do great work is to love what you do. If you haven’t found it yet, keep looking. Don’t settle. As with all matters of the heart, you’ll know when you find it. And, like any great relationship, it just gets better and better as the years roll on. So keep looking until you find it. Don’t settle.

My third story is about death.

When I was 17, I read a quote that went something like: “If you live each day as if it was your last, someday you’ll most certainly be right.” It made an impression on me, and since then, for the past 33 years, I have looked in the mirror every morning and asked myself: “If today were the last day of my life, would I want to do what I am about to do today?” And whenever the answer has been “No” for too many days in a row, I know I need to change something.

Remembering that I’ll be dead soon is the most important tool I’ve ever encountered to help me make the big choices in life. Because almost everything ­ all external expectations, all pride, all fear of embarrassment or failure – these things just fall away in the face of death, leaving only what is truly important. Remembering that you are going to die is the best way I know to avoid the trap of thinking you have something to lose. You are already naked. There is no reason not to follow your heart.

About a year ago I was diagnosed with cancer. I had a scan at 7:30 in the morning, and it clearly showed a tumor on my pancreas. I didn’t even know what a pancreas was. The doctors told me this was almost certainly a type of cancer that is incurable, and that I should expect to live no longer than three to six months. My doctor advised me to go home and get my affairs in order, which is doctor’s code for prepare to die. It means to try to tell your kids everything you thought you’d have the next 10 years to tell them in just a few months. It means to make sure everything is buttoned up so that it will be as easy as possible for your family. It means to say your goodbyes.

I lived with that diagnosis all day. Later that evening I had a biopsy, where they stuck an endoscope down my throat, through my stomach and into my intestines, put a needle into my pancreas and got a few cells from the tumor. I was sedated, but my wife, who was there, told me that when they viewed the cells under a microscope the doctors started crying because it turned out to be a very rare form of pancreatic cancer that is curable with surgery. I had the surgery and I’m fine now.

This was the closest I’ve been to facing death, and I hope its the closest I get for a few more decades. Having lived through it, I can now say this to you with a bit more certainty than when death was a useful but purely intellectual concept:

No one wants to die. Even people who want to go to heaven don’t want to die to get there. And yet death is the destination we all share. No one has ever escaped it. And that is as it should be, because Death is very likely the single best invention of Life. It is Life’s change agent. It clears out the old to make way for the new. Right now the new is you, but someday not too long from now, you will gradually become the old and be cleared away. Sorry to be so dramatic, but it is quite true.

Your time is limited, so don’t waste it living someone else’s life. Don’t be trapped by dogma – which is living with the results of other people’s thinking. Don’t let the noise of other’s opinions drown out your own inner voice. And most important, have the courage to follow your heart and intuition. They somehow already know what you truly want to become. Everything else is secondary.

When I was young, there was an amazing publication called The Whole Earth Catalog, which was one of the bibles of my generation. It was created by a fellow named Stewart Brand not far from here in Menlo Park, and he brought it to life with his poetic touch. This was in the late 1960’s, before personal computers and desktop publishing, so it was all made with typewriters, scissors, and polaroid cameras. It was sort of like Google in paperback form, 35 years before Google came along: it was idealistic, and overflowing with neat tools and great notions.

Stewart and his team put out several issues of The Whole Earth Catalog, and then when it had run its course, they put out a final issue. It was the mid-1970s, and I was your age. On the back cover of their final issue was a photograph of an early morning country road, the kind you might find yourself hitchhiking on if you were so adventurous. Beneath it were the words: “Stay Hungry. Stay Foolish.” It was their farewell message as they signed off. Stay Hungry. Stay Foolish. And I have always wished that for myself. And now, as you graduate to begin anew, I wish that for you.

Stay Hungry. Stay Foolish.

Thank you all very much.

Steve Jobs, CEO ­ Apple Computer

No related posts.

Related posts brought to you by Yet Another Related Posts Plugin.